This is Why You're Single Friday...on Thursday
Since I am moving across the country in 4 days and not currently dating, I figured I would take this time to share a story of one of my all time favorite bad dates.
The guy: Bob? Jeff? I really can''t remember the guy''s name, so let''s call him Old Guy.
The backstory: I was a recent college graduate and spent a year living in Nashville TN. It was there that I went through the worst breakup of my life (I had met the ex in question at a bar, NOT online. I have since given up meeting folks in bars.), and following that terrible breakup I moved back to my home state. Age 22 and recently single, I put myself back on the online dating market. It was here that I met Old Guy, so named because he was quite a bit older than me. He was probably in his early 30s, but I was fresh out of college and certainly not in a point in my life that I should have been dating a 30something. But Old Guy seemed very nice, and looked cute in his profile pic (wearing a Detroit Tigers hat, which will get me every time!) so I decided I would give him a chance.
The date: Old Guy and I met up at a chain pizza restaurant between our two cities. Things started off on the wrong foot when I got there and realized he wasn''t wearing his Tigers hat. Without the hat, he looked about 7 years older than he had in the picture, and I didn''t even recognize that he was my date. Awkward! The hostess showed us to our seats, and to continue the awkwardness, we were seated next to a couple that I had gone to high school with. And she was pregnant. I started gushing over how adorable she looked and congratulating the happy couple, and completely avoided introducing my date. Maybe it was because I couldn''t remember his real name, maybe I was secretly hoping they would think he was my dad, not my date. Whatever the reason, things were awkward.
I don''t remember much of what we talked about...mostly because we didn''t talk about much. The one topic of conversation that I remember is Dawson''s Creek. Yes, you read that right. I said Dawson''s Creek. Dawson, Joey, Pacey and the gang. Remember, Old Guy was in his 30s at this time, and I was barely 22. Kind of a strange topic of conversation. I remember thinking "oh boy, this is going to be a long evening if all we have in common is Dawson''s FREAKING Creek!"
Old Guy had pretty much dropped out of the conversation, and I was nervously trying to hold up my end as well as his. I figured he had run out of things to talk about, but then I noticed he had pretty much stopped eating as well. The resulting conversation went as follows:
Old Guy: I think I''m just going to wrap it up and take it to go.
Me: Seriously, a BONE in your PIZZA? But you have pepperoni. That went through the grinder!
Me: There''s a bone in your pizza? I just don''t understand! That went through the grinder.
Me: A bone?! I can''t believe there was a bone in your pizza. That pepperoni went through the grinder! A BONE?!
Old Guy then excused himself to go to the bathroom, and I sit there thinking "How the hell did he end up with A BONE IN HIS PIZZA?!?!?!"
Old Guy came back from the bathroom and I finished up my (bone-free) pizza, all the while thinking about that darn bone. And wondering how the heck am I going to say goodbye to this old guy who watches Dawson''s Creek? Do I have to hug him? Do we shake hands? Can I just run to my car as quick as can be and get the hell out of there and far away from this old guy freak who doesn''t even complain when he finds a bone in his pizza?
The date ended, I gave him a super quick hug, bolted to my car, and drove home thinking "what a weird freaking date." Then I got home and signed on to yahoo messenger, where I had a message from Old Guy waiting for me:
Me: Hey, I just realized I forgot to thank you for dinner, so thank you, it was very good. I''m sorry that yours wasn''t!
OG: I have something to tell you. There wasn''t really a bone in my pizza.
Me: Oh thank God! I was so worried, I just couldn''t figure out how a bone ended up in your pizza!
OG: Well, at first I really thought it was a bone. But then I went to the bathroom and I realized it wasn''t.
OG: See, I had this temporary crown when I was younger, and my dentist keeps telling me I need to get a permanent one, and I guess he was right.
OG: I didn''t want to tell you, because I didn''t want you to think I was some old guy with rotting teeth.
Too late, Old Guy. You should have just let me think it was a bone!